to you

i always thought is was so cool growing up that your birthday was one day before mine.  we would have celebrated 80 years for you and 30 for me tomorrow...oh how i wish you were here.  this november it will be nine years since you have been gone...does not seem possible.  the days of the weldon corner for coffee and soda, feeding the horses and cattle, hauling hay, your raspy laugh, paint, watching you shoe horses, climbing in your barn, washing your truck, taking you to town for groceries and chicken nuggets, glazed donuts, the smell of your coffee, the other place, trips to the sale barn, your voice... oh how i miss it all.  even cutting thistles with blisters on my hands.  i miss you.  more than i ever thought i could.  a part of me died with you...it feels like we were saying goodbye to you just yesterday.  dressed in your old worn western shirt with your belt buckle on and hat laying in your hands...i laid daises and a rose next to you (even though you thought flowers were a waste of money) and kissed your forehead.  you were so cold and i wanted to wrap my arms around  you and hug you like you did me when i was a little girl...but you were gone and i had to let go.  god, i miss you.  happy birthday, grandpa lane...you are my january friend.  i love you.  xoxo.